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governmentninjaLeon finally stumbled into his apartment, looking as if he had just gone several rounds with a wild animal, something which wasn't too far from the truth. His clothes were badly torn, he walked with a limp, and any parts of his skin that was exposed were covered in bruises, scratches, or bandages.
He trudged his way over to the desk in his bedroom, pulling out a very familiar notebook once he got comfortable. Normally, this was reserved for just jotting down thoughts after returning from a mission, but he had some things in his head that he needed to get down. He opened the book, and grabbed himself a pen.
Nov. 1, 2005
Last night, I discovered a few things about myself. Mostly, that underneath this 'nice guy' exterior, deep down, I'm really a self loathing bastard.
There are several aspects of my job that are hard to reconcile. Mostly, it's the killing people. Yeah, I get why it needs to be done... doesn't mean I have to like it. I tend to bury those feelings but last night... I got exposed to some sort of gas that exxposed what lie beneath.
With those feelings pushed to the surface, it made sense in my head that i didn't deserve to have friends, so I set out to destroy every meaningful relationship I had.
Sherry... she's a good kid. Her parents may have caused a me a number of problems, to put it lightly, but she's been nothing but awesome. So I point my gun at her, I threaten to shoot her, I tell her about what horrible people I think her parents are and how she's just like them.
She'll never forgive me for that. I have to track her down... talk to her, at least try and make things right again, eventhough I know I never will.
Ada... she got exposed to the gas as well, and I'm not sure what happened, but she seemed so... defenseless. So, of course, I take full advantage of that opportunity to take out my frustrations with her. I was such an asshole... and I got the distinct feeling that I wasn't the first guy to treat her like that over the couse of her life.
Now, things with her, cmplicated as they already are, just got alot worse. Not only because of what I did to her, but what I did with Claire
Claire... my best friend. I started to drive her away the same way, but stopped, when she kissed me. Though, given that it's me and Claire, we could've had a huge fight and shot at each other, and we'd probably still be friends in the morning. I don't think I could get rid of her if I tried, and I love her for that.
We ended up sleeping together.
Our relationship has taken on a whole new turn, and we have no idea where we'll end up. We talked about it a little, and I know that, regardless if we end up as boyfriend and girlfriend, she'll always be my best friend. It's just a matter of us figuring out where things are going between us.
Claire... Ada...
I need to think.
Leon closed the book and tossed it back into his desk, letting out a sigh as he did. He picked himself up, only to go the few feet from the desk to his bed and collapse on it, rolling over so he could face the ceiling.
So many thoughts were swirling in his head he had no idea where to even begin, really. He was still worried about Sherry, and worried about Ada, but constantly found himself thinking bout Claire. This new wrinkle in the relationship was sudden, but now that it was there... he had to smile a little about the possibilities.
He trudged his way over to the desk in his bedroom, pulling out a very familiar notebook once he got comfortable. Normally, this was reserved for just jotting down thoughts after returning from a mission, but he had some things in his head that he needed to get down. He opened the book, and grabbed himself a pen.
Nov. 1, 2005
Last night, I discovered a few things about myself. Mostly, that underneath this 'nice guy' exterior, deep down, I'm really a self loathing bastard.
There are several aspects of my job that are hard to reconcile. Mostly, it's the killing people. Yeah, I get why it needs to be done... doesn't mean I have to like it. I tend to bury those feelings but last night... I got exposed to some sort of gas that exxposed what lie beneath.
With those feelings pushed to the surface, it made sense in my head that i didn't deserve to have friends, so I set out to destroy every meaningful relationship I had.
Sherry... she's a good kid. Her parents may have caused a me a number of problems, to put it lightly, but she's been nothing but awesome. So I point my gun at her, I threaten to shoot her, I tell her about what horrible people I think her parents are and how she's just like them.
She'll never forgive me for that. I have to track her down... talk to her, at least try and make things right again, eventhough I know I never will.
Ada... she got exposed to the gas as well, and I'm not sure what happened, but she seemed so... defenseless. So, of course, I take full advantage of that opportunity to take out my frustrations with her. I was such an asshole... and I got the distinct feeling that I wasn't the first guy to treat her like that over the couse of her life.
Now, things with her, cmplicated as they already are, just got alot worse. Not only because of what I did to her, but what I did with Claire
Claire... my best friend. I started to drive her away the same way, but stopped, when she kissed me. Though, given that it's me and Claire, we could've had a huge fight and shot at each other, and we'd probably still be friends in the morning. I don't think I could get rid of her if I tried, and I love her for that.
We ended up sleeping together.
Our relationship has taken on a whole new turn, and we have no idea where we'll end up. We talked about it a little, and I know that, regardless if we end up as boyfriend and girlfriend, she'll always be my best friend. It's just a matter of us figuring out where things are going between us.
Claire... Ada...
I need to think.
Leon closed the book and tossed it back into his desk, letting out a sigh as he did. He picked himself up, only to go the few feet from the desk to his bed and collapse on it, rolling over so he could face the ceiling.
So many thoughts were swirling in his head he had no idea where to even begin, really. He was still worried about Sherry, and worried about Ada, but constantly found himself thinking bout Claire. This new wrinkle in the relationship was sudden, but now that it was there... he had to smile a little about the possibilities.
