Leon was still on the fence about whether or not to talk about it, and he was grateful for the brief moment to make up his mind by her. When she came back, he leaned back and looked up at the sky.
"My father was a good man. Smart, kind, respectful, respected. My mother was a good woman. Kind, loving, but dear god you never wanted to get on her bad side." He chuckled ruefully. "We weren't the perfect american family, not by a long shot. We had our fights, we had our problems, but... things were still good."
He was silent for another long moment. "Then when my dad died..." He stopped, not because of any kind of emotion, but he needs to search for the words. "...it was like... something broke in our family." He shrugged. That was the best way he could describe it. "And we couldn't fix it. I can't fix it.
"I tried to, you know? I just... couldn't fix it. I knew I couldn't make things right again. How could I? Someone we all loved died, there was no making that right. But I thought things could be better again. I tried--" He stopped suddenly, more out of trying to contain raw emotion than anything else.
He leaned forward and stared at the ground again. His entire posture seemed to tense up, and he had the look of a man who is not going to cry by sheer stubborn force of will alone.
Once he managed to beat that river of emotion he started again. "I tried... and I failed. Miserably. It seemed like everything I did only made things worse. And eventually I just... ended up on the outside looking in."
He just shook his head, and went back to staring a hole in the ground.
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timeasmymeasure
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Date: 2006-07-29 08:26 am (UTC)"My father was a good man. Smart, kind, respectful, respected. My mother was a good woman. Kind, loving, but dear god you never wanted to get on her bad side." He chuckled ruefully. "We weren't the perfect american family, not by a long shot. We had our fights, we had our problems, but... things were still good."
He was silent for another long moment. "Then when my dad died..." He stopped, not because of any kind of emotion, but he needs to search for the words. "...it was like... something broke in our family." He shrugged. That was the best way he could describe it. "And we couldn't fix it. I can't fix it.
"I tried to, you know? I just... couldn't fix it. I knew I couldn't make things right again. How could I? Someone we all loved died, there was no making that right. But I thought things could be better again. I tried--" He stopped suddenly, more out of trying to contain raw emotion than anything else.
He leaned forward and stared at the ground again. His entire posture seemed to tense up, and he had the look of a man who is not going to cry by sheer stubborn force of will alone.
Once he managed to beat that river of emotion he started again. "I tried... and I failed. Miserably. It seemed like everything I did only made things worse. And eventually I just... ended up on the outside looking in."
He just shook his head, and went back to staring a hole in the ground.